A few weeks ago, I reached out to fellow parents with a question that had been tugging at my heart: How do you help your older child adjust to a new sibling when their world suddenly feels a little smaller?

Our six-year-old, who has always been full of spunk and personality, started showing signs of, let’s say… adjustment struggles after his baby brother entered the toddler phase. He began acting out in ways I hadn’t expected – snatching toys, ignoring his brother entirely, and often seeking attention in rather inventive ways (some that tested our patience). One moment he’d grab the car the baby was playing with, the next he’d disappear into his own little world as if to say, “Well, that didn’t work.” It was confusing. Heartbreaking, even.

I started wondering if we were missing something. Was he feeling pushed aside? Was he unsure of his new place in our family dynamic? I opened up to other parents, hoping for solidarity or advice. Many shared their own journeys—some messier, some magical. And then, something shifted.

This past week, my little-big boy morphed into something I hadn’t anticipated: a proud, caring boeta.

It started subtly. We went out to grab something to eat (you know, the kind of outing that usually requires logistical precision with a one-year-old). Without saying a word, our eldest called the waitress over and asked—completely unprompted—if she could please bring a baby chair for his brother. My husband and I just stared at each other in that silent-parent, wide-eyed moment of “Did you just see that?”

Not only did he want to sit next to his baby brother, but he also insisted on helping him eat. Later, at the play area, he held his baby brother’s hand and introduced him to the swings, the slide, the jungle gym—proudly boasting to other kids, “My brother can roar like a lion!” (And roar, he did. With gusto.)

My heart? Melted.

Don’t get me wrong—this doesn’t mean our days are filled only with sunshine and cuddles. In fact, big brother has now discovered a new parental loophole: the “chicken nugget vacuum” hack. If baby brother leaves a single crumb, our eldest is there in a flash, gobbling it up like it’s his personal reward. Maybe, just maybe, this nugget-sharing mission has added to the bond. Who knew love could be measured in leftover poultry?

It hasn’t been a straight path, and I’m learning that sibling relationships evolve in fits and starts. But watching my eldest grow into his role, not by force but by choice, has been one of the most beautiful surprises of my parenting journey so far.

To any other parent in the thick of sibling chaos: hang in there. Give it time, space, and a bit of chicken. The moments will come, and when they do, they’re nothing short of magic.

tracy-lynn.ruiters@inl.co.za

Weekend Argus 

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