When Sibongile Nkabinde won R30,000 at a casino in her 20s, she thought she had found her lucky break.

Instead, that one win sent her spiralling into a 20-year nightmare of debt, loss and addiction that tore her family apart and nearly cost her everything.

“After my first win I was mesmerised, I was young and this money was a lot. I thought of how easy I got it and there was excitement of potentially winning more money. The thrill of the games, and the rush of more wins drew me in. I would always be excited for our Sun City trips,” Nkabinde said, reflecting on how a single stroke of luck ignited a spark that would consume her. 

Even though the first win was accompanied by losses, Nkabinde didn’t stop, the addiction was slowly taking its grip.

In 2004, she got a job as an officer in the Johannesburg Metropolitan Police Department (JMPD) and earned around R16,000.

“Now that I had money with no responsibilities, most of my salary went into gambling. Again, I lost my father and to escape the pain, I went deep into gambling, and this was accompanied by excessive drinking. The addiction also started growing because now I’m losing money and for me to get it back, I would make loans and also approach loan sharks,” she said.

Nkabinde said while silently struggling with gambling, she met her former partner at work. He paid lobola and they had two children. Unfortunately, her happiness was short lived as her addiction ruined the family she had built.

“My family bore the brunt of my actions. My fiancée would chase me away and I would sleep in petrol stations. He was tired because I gambled everything, my salary and sold items in the house.”

The heartbreaking reality was that the pursuit of gambling also led to missed school fees and transport for her children, compounding their struggles.

As her addiction spiralled out of control, loan sharks became a regular presence in her life, demanding repayment in aggressive tones, further aggravating the stress within her home.

“My home, which should have been a safe haven, became a source of stress and unhappiness due to my addiction,” she said.

Losing my partner and living like a pauper

Ultimately, her partner’s patience reached its limit, leading him to end the relationship and she was forced to move back to Soweto with her parents, a situation which she found unfavorable. 

Instead, she decided to make a plan which led her 30’s into a complete turmoil. She spent some nights at casinos and stayed in abusive relationships, prioritising financial support over emotional health

“I dated men who could provide, even if the person was abusive, because I needed the money to support my habit and my children, I stayed,” she explained.

Pushed by the thrill of one day making a big win, Nkabinde’s addiction penetrated her work life as she would frequently miss work, and she would borrow money from colleagues and avoid them until she could pay them back.

“I was always stressed and anxious. It was exhausting, it was like I was stuck in a maze. I was playing a never-ending game of catch-up, taking money from Peter to pay Paul. My life revolved around borrowing from one place to pay another, with no end in sight. I felt like I was working to feed the machines for the rest of my life.”

Nkabinde said she tried to stop gambling many times, she signed self-exclusion forms, but she would still find a way of bypassing the security system and go back into gambling.

“One day, I reached my breaking point. I fought with the casino management demanding that they stop me from gambling. I was angry, hurt, and frustrated. I’d given them so much money, and they’d taken everything from me. My photos were plastered all over the casino, and I was labeled a problem gambler.”

In an effort to free herself from the shackles of gambling, Nkabinde tried to resign from work with the intention of taking her pension fund and settle her debts. She said her supervisor stopped her from making a decision that could have been detrimental to her security.

After years of turmoil and self-destructive behaviour, the pivotal moment came when Nkabinde recognised her addiction had torn not only her life but also her children.

“Seeing the pain and hurt in their eyes was a hard pill to swallow. It was like a wake-up call,” she recalled.

“Because of gambling I completely lost my identity, the happy person I once was. I had lived almost 20 years of my life in prison that I had created. I struggled to recognise myself after years of suffering with gambling. Not only did I struggle with addiction but also had to confront the damage it caused in my relationships,” she said.

It’s been eight years since Nkabinde stopped gambling and she has written a book to highlight her experience and start conversations, not just in homes, but in policy and public awareness too. 

She has reached out to the gambling board and government, urging awareness around gambling as its addictive as drugs. She passionately works to spread awareness via social media, sharing her journey in hopes of reaching those still suffering in silence.

She passionately works to spread awareness via social media, sharing her journey in hopes of reaching those still suffering in silence

“I know the struggle of gambling addiction, it’s like a wildfire, it will ruin everything next to you. The stronghold of gambling is suffering in silence, the more you keep quiet, the more it eats you up. I hope by talking I can reach and help people who suffered like me,” she said.

Gambling addiction is not a moral failure or lack of willpower

Speaking to IOL, the South African Responsible Gambling Foundation (SARGF) said Gambling addiction is not a moral failure or lack of willpower; however, it’s a recognised behavioural disorder.

“No one is immune to having a gambling disorder. It can affect anyone regardless of their IQ, social status, or employment status,” said Sibongile Simelane-Quntana, the Executive Director at SARGF

Simelane-Quntana said labelling individuals as weak only increases shame, secrecy, and delays help-seeking. “The focus should instead be on understanding, support, and early intervention.”

She explained that if family members wish to assist their loved ones with gambling addiction, they should try to understand gambling disorder and further address the issue with the gamblers.

“The National Responsible Gambling Programme (NRGP) offers free and confidential counselling for both the gambler and their loved ones. A financial handover can be of paramount importance to aid the gambler in reducing or quitting gambling,” said Simelane-Quntana.

Family members play a vital role in recovery, but their approach must balance compassion and boundaries.

Do:

-Encourage open, non-judgmental communication.

-Learn about gambling addiction through resources like the National Responsible Gambling Programme

-Help the person access professional help early

-Protect family finances: manage joint accounts, reduce access to cash or online payments

-Practice self-care – supporting someone with addiction can be emotionally draining.

Don’t:

-Bail the person out of financial debt repeatedly.

-Argue or lecture when they are defensive.

-Enable behaviour by ignoring or covering up their actions.

Simelane-Quntana said studies have shown that individuals affected by gambling disorder often experience changes in brain activity that are similar to those observed in people with substance use disorders.

“For instance, both groups tend to display decreased activity in areas responsible for self-control, while also showing increased reactivity to gambling cues or betting opportunities. These neurobiological changes provide insight into why overcoming gambling addiction can be so difficult and underscore the importance of early intervention and comprehensive treatment approaches.”

She said in the past four years, the organisation witnessed a shift from land-based gambling and betting (Casino, Bingo, Limited payout machines, sports betting, and horse racing) to online betting. In South Africa, online gambling is illegal; however, online betting is legal and regulated.

The reason for this shift was due to the COVID-19 lockdown, which caused a steady migration from land-based to online betting as the preferred mode of gambling.

However, there’s also been an increase on the number of people reaching out for help.

“Those seeking help were either employed full-time, part-time or self-employed, which tells us that their gambling was not for entertainment but became a problem as soon as their gambling intent became a source of as secondary income due to the tough socio-economic conditions, they found themselves in,” she added.

Gambling breaking families and the spiritual insight  

Meanwhile, Pastor Leornard Katwai-Bwalya explained that gambling is one of the weapons which kills families as it causes pain and financial strain.

“It can be detrimental many ways; one you can find that kids are unable to go to school because someone decided to gamble money which was supposed to go to education.”

Katwai-Bwalya said people who are addicted to gambling are living in a fantasy of what is not real but think it will be real when they are gambling.

“Gamblers are always under the impression that they will multiply the money and recoup their losses. Money can’t be multiplied through gambling, but gambling fuels the greed within a person,” he said.

Pastor Katwai-Bwalya further explained that gambling addiction is not a reflection of being irresponsible but was more of a spiritual situation where a person is being controlled by a force they can’t explain or resist.

“For an example, Jesus explained that you cannot serve two masters, you cannot serve God, and you cannot serve money. That word money is interpreted as mammon which means God of money. We find that this God of money pushes people to spend without realising that they are serving the God of money,” he said.

He said as pastor, he teaches people to know when they are dealing with issues that are beyond the physical realm.

“Because when they can see that what they are doing is not from they, then we have a platform where we can begin to help a person…But if we don’t realise that this is a spirit, it’s easy to teach a person today and tomorrow they do something different because we are not combating the real issue,” he said.

For help to quit gambling, call the The South African Responsible Gambling Foundation on its toll-free counselling line, 0800 006 008 Or WhatsApp/SMS HELP To 076 675 0710 or email to helpline@responsiblegambling.org.za 

sinenhlanhla.masilela@iol.co.za

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